All You Need to Know About the Face-to-Face Session with the Naib Kadi

In 2019, Registry of Muslim Marriages (ROMM) and M3 (an alliance of three agencies – MUIS, Mendaki and MESRA) partnered together and introduced an initiative called Bersamamu (With You).  

What is Bersamamu?

The programme is designed to provide more support for Muslim couples in their journey towards a strong marriage. The Naib Kadi (solemnizer) will play an active role in befriending and supporting soon-to-wed couples as they prepare to enter the next phase of their lives. 

Note: This is not to be confused with marriage registration where the ROMM officer asks a series of questions to both potential bride and groom, along with the bride’s mother/father. InshaAllah, there will be a post for this.

What does it aim to achieve?

For the past five years, the number of marriages grew steadily but the number of divorce cases remained fairly consistent throughout. Hence, the initiative aims to inspire resilient marriages, with hopes of lowering the divorce rate.

The first 2 years of marriage is probably the toughest – it’s not easy to adjust to living with someone and appreciate both the positive and not-so-positive traits. Being in love and planning everything may not be enough to sustain the relationship.

What are the challenges during the transition period?

The euphoria from the wedding, honeymoon, and reaching another milestone in life, will fade away as soon as you are faced with the demands of marriage.  

The challenge starts from the get-go as you try to adjust and transit to a new way of life – living with in-laws, adapting to your spouse’s family culture, additional financial, emotional, spiritual commitments and etc.  

The transitional period will be the toughest, yet most important, and this is where the programme can help.

Bersamamu literally

The name is apt because couples must work together as a team to find common ground in resolving problems.  

And the programme provides resources for them to navigate the muddy waters during the transition phase. Think of it as having a trusty marriage consultant by your side, with all the invaluable knowledge and advice you need to tide through this period.

Pre-marriage. How is the process like?

  1. Register at ROMM website.
  2. At the end of the registration, you will be presented with your Naib Kadi’s contact details.
  3. Note his contact number and reach out to him to schedule an appointment.
  4. Attend the meeting at the agreed time and location.
  5. Reach out to ROMM to schedule a meeting for Verification of Documents and Statutory Declaration.

What can you expect during the meeting?

The selected Naib Kadi will chat with soon-to-be couples to understand both individuals and respective family backgrounds. He will also clarify any marriage related questions the couple may have so that they will feel more prepared and confident to take the leap forward.  

It is important to note that the Naib Kadi is not there to control the couple. Instead, he supports both the husband and wife through the challenges in the early years of the marriage.

Post-marriage. How is the process like?

  1. Naib kadi will check on couples for the next two years via text or phone call.
  2. There will be no meetings unless necessary / urgent.

Continuous engagement and support

The naib kadi will continue engaging the couple over the next two years, offering support and advice to help them lay the foundations of a strong and stable marriage.  

Besides sharing advice and useful information on marriage and parenthood, he may also refer couples to programmes and services aimed at enhancing their marital relationships, or when they need professional help.

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